Evaluación ensayo para TOEFL Writing

[Sarinade]

Hola!! Buenas a todos, yo soy nueva en esto y me presento el próximo 25 de enero. Hoy he hecho mis primeros writing de la parte de opiniones personales sin usar diccionario y esas cosas.. Mi idea es meter una pasiva, un reported speech, una clauses de esas y una condicional, un poquito de todo, vamos. Pero me gustaría saber, ya que la mayoría de aqui tiene experiencia y se han presentado unas cuantas veces, que nota podría obtener ahora mismo.. Sé que lo que pido no es fácil y que además hay que dedicarle el tiempo de leer lo que he hecho pero lo agradecería eternamente a quien se tome la molestia. Os dejo aquí mis dos primeros intentos:

Some people think that zoos can be a very useful meaner to learn about the planet and the animals who lives in there. Others think that is cruel idea to engaged the animals into cages.
The issue is a controversial one, but in my opinion a closer examination reveals that it depends of the species of the animals you have into the zoos for several reasons. To me is not the same to talk about a cocodrile or a spider in comparison with a dolphin, an elephant or a chimpanzee. I this essay I will explain my position providing examples to support my claims.
One reason is that the zoos could be a very useful meaner to teach the natural world, the environment and the animals. I think that is better to see one or two dolphins in the zoo than go out to the open ocean to see the free dolphins in a boat. Everyone wants to see a gorilla or an elephant almost one time in our life and the sacrifice or one or two could be better for the other ones that are into the wild.

The other reason, and the problem to me starts just now, is that putting a dolphin in a pool is a very cruel situation because we are talking about extremely intelligent animals. Another example are the primates. These animals suffers the confination like an human child.
Clearly, I think that zoos could be a good idea to learn a respect about our environment but we had to have caution with a particular species which suffer the captivity more than others with environmental enrichment, for example, or another methods to make their lifes more comfortable.

Y el otro:
Some people think that spend Money in space research could be a good inversión for the future of the world and humanity. Others think that this kind of researching is a important waste.
The issue is a controversial one, but in my opinion a closer examination reveals that could be more interesting to spend the money in researching program in own planet for several reasons. I this essay I will explain my position providing examples to support my claims.

One reason is that exist unknown diseases around the world which could be a threat for the human species, for example cancer or VIH and nowadays, the treatment don’t exist.

Another reason is that we don’t know anything about a lot of places or our own planet, for example the depth ocean. Some things in theses inaccesibles places even are for discovered.
Clearly, is important to spend money in all the kinds of researching but we shouldn’t forget that we have a strange world in own planet, The Earth. And I think that is better to understand our planet if we can to start to understand another planets.

Muchisimas gracias de antemano, y eso, sólo quiero saber mas o menos sobre que nota podría sacar... Necesito un 84 :S
Gracias de nuevo.

[dborbon]

No se qué criterio usan para el writing. Yo hice 30puntos usando el template de club-mba: www.club-mba.com/foro/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=3

Creo que nadie aquí te puede decir qué nota tienes leyendo tu texto.

Para un 84, te recomiendo que te mames el speaking de viewtopic.php?f=10&t=8
Y hagas lo más fuerte que puedas el reading y el listening, que son lo más fácil tienes para practicar (por cierto, hay examenes que te evalúan tu Reading y listening con nota de 0-30). Si vas fuerte en eso, y saques 10-12 en speaking y 10-12 en writing estás ok.

Abrazo